Ethier Unhappy with Management?

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Reports have told St. Louis Post Dispatch that starting RF Andre Ethier is unhappy with the St Louis Organization and is demanding a trade. When asked about these rumors, Ethier said, "The Cardinals have dangled me on the trade block like they don't want me." Andre continued by saying, "If they don't want me, then I don't want them. I believe I am a player worthy of a no-trade clause. Yes, I am that good, and I can guarantee when I leave, this team will get a whole lot worse."

We asked GM Jake Bartley to speak on this matter, and this is what he gave us: "Yes, we have been wanting to trade AE for some time now, and what he said Thursday night ensures he will not be in a Cardinal uniform to start the 2013 season. He is a cancer to the team and we will look immediately at getting him off this squad in the Winter Meetings."

The Cardinals, according to rumors, are wanting to package AE with a player like Span/Worley/Iwakuma for a CF or SP.

Stay tuned, as a deal will likely happen quickly!

SEND PMS!!

[Deleted]

Talks are getting heated with a few clubs on Ethier. Andre backed up his previous statement by saying, "BARTLEY!?!?!? I told you to get me the FUCK out of here, so GO make it happen."

Word is out that the Cardinals are willing to take on around half of his salary this year and are even willing to place him with the likes of Jeff Samardzija to get this disease of a "player" off the roster.

SEND PMS as he is going soon.

[Tigers GM (Alex)]

Just a note: If you're trying to trade a player it's probably best to not call him a cancer to the team. Why would anyone want to trade for a player like that?

[Deleted]

LOL It's all a joke. Is this guy really a cancer to the team? No, I'd say that most owners know that this is a MADE up report, to get me to trade him. If you really believe that Ethier would be a cancer on any team, then I have no clue what to think. I'm mean it's fantasy baseball, how would you know if a player is cancerous, besides the fact that they don't perform well, which Ethier does. Thought I'd insert some humor.

[Tigers GM (Alex)]

I don't know man. I might've been interested in him before but I've got sources that tell me he's a real dick. That's not the type of guy that we want in our locker room in Detroit. We pride ourselves on our clubhouse unity, and our team-oriented, selfless style of play.

If you think that Ethier could benefit from talking to someone, I know a great therapist named Jamey Carroll. Let me know if you want his number.

[White Sox GM (Michael)]

The White Sox enjoy a fun environment in their clubhouse, as expressed by GM Michael Terilli earlier today when asked about Ethier.

"He can hit, but I'm not paying all that money for someone that doesn't know how to play loosely. Maybe that'd change if Giancarlo would knock the disease outta him and if Derek Eater proceeded to sit on him."

After the reporters became confused, Terilli added, "Oh, that means we're not interested."

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According to sources, Eithier had sex with Gerald Laird last night. Laird is a man.

[Tigers GM (Alex)]

And Ethier's stock continues to plummet...

[Marlins GM (Kevin)]

Word on the street is the police are looking for Andre Ethier in a case for a missing boy named Thomas. The Marlins GM has been taken off of the list as the prime suspect.

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Lmao

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Heyo..... this guy may be playing in Japan this year. GM Jake has released a statement saying that Ethier is "missing" and had left a note saying "I will not return until I am on a new ballclub." Mr. Bartley on this statement: "To be honest, I am not going to deal this guy. I want him out of this league. He's finally getting what he deserves.... He put this on himself and I wish him the worst going forward."

When asked about these inconceiveable events, Mike Trout of the St Louis Cardinals commented saying, "You know what, I would love it if Jake would deal Ethier to the Pirates for their chicken. I would rather have that chicken patrolling RF than that scumbag Ethier. The dude needs to grow up. If Jake can't get this deal done, then I hope Ethier ships himself off to Japan and hits .100 and gets plunked more than his share of times."

So, it looks as if Ethier's major league career is coming to an end, unless some team expresses interest in him, and offer something within the Cardinals desire.... which is HIGLY UNLIKELY!!

[Deleted]

Just got word that TMZ got a photo of AE skinny dipping in the Indian Ocean with a platypus. GM Jake has not commented on the photo nor is he going to.

[Deleted]

"In regards to our interest in Andre Either....we feel he is a fine player BUT we can't in good conscience acquire a player currently under investigation for a child abduction. #Find Thomas!"

"Also like to take this time to say Pierre the chicken is not OTB, please someone tell Neil Walker to vacate my office AND to take Pierre with him. "

Pirates GM AJ Preller

[White Sox GM (Michael)]

The White Sox are currently performing a background check on outfielder Andre Ethier. So far, it has been found that Ethier has been charged for 27 crimes since age nine. The long list includes the rape of a middle school student on the playground as a high school senior, the rape of a substitute teacher in the classroom as a college sophomore, and the rape of a deer in the woods while in the minors.

"That's not all," says White Sox GM Michael Terilli. "He not only can't keep his junk in his pants, he can't keep his gun in his holster or his drugs in his pocket."

The GM made sure to add, "I don't even care that much that he did all that weird shit. It's that he got caught so often that concerns me."

Terilli then said, "Except for raping a deer. That's just weird."