Post by White Sox GM (Michael) on Jul 15, 2014 18:22:20 GMT -5
Well, folks, we've reached the 2014 All-Star break, so now it's time to project the rest of our season. I am quite clairvoyant, so here's how it will go down. I'm sure.
The AL Central finishes in a 5-way tie.
You knew it would happen one year. Unfortunately, ESPN breaks down from the massive pain in the ass of scheduling tiebreakers, and ODC league managers resort to hand-tallying. Psych is tasked with this job and quits immediately as a result. Cub Corp breaks down and the franchise is liquidated. The players are placed into an expansion draft, and AJ Pierzynski and Daniel Bard are picked in the first round.
The Seattle Mariners go 84-0 for the rest of the season.
Yes, it's happening, folks. 2014 Khris Davis becomes 2013 Chris Davis, Moises Sierra bats .400, and Todd Redmond becomes a shutdown closer/ace hybrid. The Mariners trade for an infield to keep Rizzo busy. And Jay Buhner and Edgar Martinez come out of retirement, take league minimum, and become Bash Brothers Parte Dos. Unfortunately, it's too little too late, as the Oakland Athletics go 3-72-9 and take the division.
The Angels win the Wild Card due to divine intervention (and Craig Kimbrel).
Have you seen Angels in the Outfield? It pretty much goes like that, except these Angels have competent players. It helps when your closer strikes out 62 batters in 37.2 innings (lol). Oh, and it's not really any "angels" that help, it's the spirit of Mike Trout. Just the fact that his tuchas has been in Anaheim is enough for L.A. to make it to the playoffs. What can I say, he's the best in the league.
The Nationals win the NL East.
Followed by incessant, never-ending I-told-you-sos and in-your-faces -- oh, what's that? -- the Nationals lose in the first round handily. Bryan is EasyBanned for his nonsensical behavior on chat and instead communicates through AIM.
Yasiel Puig batflips after a walk-off home run.
Ok, that was predictable, but the flip is so spectacular that every player in the Pirates dugout gets a face full of wood...ahem...ok, enough flowery language. The bat strikes everyone in the face, leaving twelve players unconscious and the rest unable to play. Puig pitches and plays every position, nobly playing .500 ball the rest of the way, but it isn't enough for Pittsburgh.
The AL Central finishes in a 5-way tie.
You knew it would happen one year. Unfortunately, ESPN breaks down from the massive pain in the ass of scheduling tiebreakers, and ODC league managers resort to hand-tallying. Psych is tasked with this job and quits immediately as a result. Cub Corp breaks down and the franchise is liquidated. The players are placed into an expansion draft, and AJ Pierzynski and Daniel Bard are picked in the first round.
The Seattle Mariners go 84-0 for the rest of the season.
Yes, it's happening, folks. 2014 Khris Davis becomes 2013 Chris Davis, Moises Sierra bats .400, and Todd Redmond becomes a shutdown closer/ace hybrid. The Mariners trade for an infield to keep Rizzo busy. And Jay Buhner and Edgar Martinez come out of retirement, take league minimum, and become Bash Brothers Parte Dos. Unfortunately, it's too little too late, as the Oakland Athletics go 3-72-9 and take the division.
The Angels win the Wild Card due to divine intervention (and Craig Kimbrel).
Have you seen Angels in the Outfield? It pretty much goes like that, except these Angels have competent players. It helps when your closer strikes out 62 batters in 37.2 innings (lol). Oh, and it's not really any "angels" that help, it's the spirit of Mike Trout. Just the fact that his tuchas has been in Anaheim is enough for L.A. to make it to the playoffs. What can I say, he's the best in the league.
The Nationals win the NL East.
Followed by incessant, never-ending I-told-you-sos and in-your-faces -- oh, what's that? -- the Nationals lose in the first round handily. Bryan is EasyBanned for his nonsensical behavior on chat and instead communicates through AIM.
Yasiel Puig batflips after a walk-off home run.
Ok, that was predictable, but the flip is so spectacular that every player in the Pirates dugout gets a face full of wood...ahem...ok, enough flowery language. The bat strikes everyone in the face, leaving twelve players unconscious and the rest unable to play. Puig pitches and plays every position, nobly playing .500 ball the rest of the way, but it isn't enough for Pittsburgh.
